You’re Perfect,’Lyric Lines,’ Never Change

/ Nov 5, 2013


We ranked it:





Full disclosure: I really wanted to hate “Lyric Lines.” A show about someone trying to pick up girls using pop lyrics just sounded like a cocktail (molotov variety) of embarrassment and pseudo-sleaze. Not to mention, the whole thing seemed coated in a special VEVO sheen that made it feel hopelessly corporate.

Dearest reader, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that “Lyric Lines,” despite my prejudices, is actually incredibly entertaining. Watching host Tommy Wooldridge run up to a girl yelling “kiss me like you wanna be loved” is one of the best things any of us will see this year. The entire interaction is made funnier by two additional factors — one being intentional, the other not so much. First are these poor young ladies’ reactions. After the “kiss me” line, the approached woman looks at Wooldridge like he’s a complete lunatic before stating that “I already have someone.” It’s painfully awkward on almost every level, which is great for us.

The second best part about “Lyric Lines” is the fact that it is sponsored by Coca-Cola. Wait, before you thinking I’m a corporate shill, hear me out. Being sponsored by Coke, almost every shot of “Lyric Line” must incorporate the brand into it. Oftentimes this is done by stuffing two full bottles of coke into Wooldridge’s backpack. Imagine, if you will, the following scene: Wooldridge jogging up to someone with two bottles of coke sloshing around in a comically overstuffed backpack. He then opens up with the word “girl…” followed by some awfully contrived One Direction lyric. The whole things a train wreck, but not the bad kind. More like the kind of train wreck that ends with everyone still alive, dateless, but still alive.

If “Lyric Lines” struggles (I’m hesitant to say it even does, I like it that much) it’s in its repetitiveness. The concept behind the show is that Wooldridge, being an awkward young man, is trying to get a girlfriend via these lyrics. With this, every attempt predictably ends in crashing and burning. After all, if Wooldridge did succeed then we wouldn’t have much of a show.

“Lyric Lines” is great; I don’t know any other way to say it, so I’ll let Bruno Mars sum it up for me: “Oh you know, you know, you know / I’d never ask you to change / If perfect’s what you’re searching for / Then just stay the same.”

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